


you're already the voice inside my head

by seasaltmemories



Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with an unhappy ending, Body Worship, Engaged Berkut/Celica, F/M, First Time, Forced Marriage, Hurt No Comfort, Mutual Pining, Not to oversell this but this might be the most physically pain fic I've ever written, One Shot, Porn with Feelings, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:55:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24728581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasaltmemories/pseuds/seasaltmemories
Summary: You love each other, you do, and here’s the tragedy: it’s not enough
Relationships: Alm/Anthiese | Celica
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16
Collections: Season of Kink





	you're already the voice inside my head

When news of the marriage treaty broke out, Alm waited to respond. Despite having to split his time between Ram Village and Zofia Castle, even he was overwhelmed by the flurry of obligations that followed. Knowing the bride, herself, must be even busier, Alm left her to the balls and dresses while he coordinated guard logistics and entertained bored Rigelian nobles.

He didn’t see her without the burden of another hundred pairs of eyes weighing on them until a week before the wedding. Before the world was fully awake, before the dawn had fully broke and ushered in another full schedule of responsibilities and duties, he knocked at her door with two full satchels and a held breath.

“Alm...” The only thing keeping her decent was the sleeping robe she held closed against her chest, yet it was hearing her whisper his name in such a breathy murmur that flustered him. In that moment it seemed as if all he really needed of her was to keep saying that his name like that with those pink, parted lips of hers, until he could recount the syllable with perfect clarity.

But the heft of the satchels slowly weighed him down until he was back in Valentia and remembered what it was that he truly came for.

“Mycen’s too busy to babysit us anymore, but I think we can handle a hunting trip on our own now, can’t we?”

Red eyes lit up, like the spark of kindling in the dead of night. “I won’t take long; just give me a moment and I’ll be ready to leave!”

True to her word, by the time he had snuck away two older horses from the stable, she was waiting for him at forest’s edge. Even dressed down to nothing more that a light hunting tunic and an unobtrusive braid the curled at the base of her neck, she still managed to command his attention with her regal air.

“Let me lead this time,” She grabbed the reins of the chocolate mare, and it nuzzled against her hand, searching for a treat. “I know a great route east of here.” The mare grew more insistent in its begging, and as she turned to stroke its nose, Alm let himself drink in the sight of her joyful and free.

“I’ll steal you away wherever you wish.”

They spent most of the morning simply traveling in silence. At some point they must have decided that there was so much to catch up on that it made more sense to just not touch on it at all. After all they had gone through seven years of less than quiet chatter that Mycen always warned would scare away the prey. It seemed unlikely on this last excursion they’d discover any new conversations that could solve anything.

But for all their reticence, few birds and fewer hares ever appeared. And seeing the usual verdant forest so barren made it hard for Alm to not think about the rumors surrounding Mila and broken vows.

“So what is the Rigelian prince like?” He asked after they had broken camp for a modest lunch.

“Arrogant, stubborn, and thinks he’s cultured for knowing a basic waltz. I asked him to recommend me some Duman theologians to brush up on, and he stared at me like I had grown a second head.” Celica dug her nail into the skin of an orange. “So not the worst I could have imagined.”

Alm didn’t know what quite to say to a description like that, so instead he contented himself to watch her peel her treat.

“I keep on thinking about the worst.” Celica spoke, but her gaze was focused on something faraway he could only hope to see. “I think of another year of fallow fields, more starving citizens, and more of Father’s lavish parties. When you take into account everything, my duty doesn’t seem all that bad, does it?”

Alm hummed to himself, reluctant to sway her one way or another. “You really have been studying those theologians haven’t you?”

“Well I’m not a Duma worshiper yet.” She tossed the rind in a nearby bush. “Until Mila gives me away, I have a duty to pleasure as well.”

“Huh?”

Celica’s only explanation was to suckle the juice from her orange until there was nothing left.

Their luck got better after the midday sun began to sink into a cooler evening’s glow. Celica shot herself two partridges and even bagged herself a squirrel. Meanwhile Alm struggled to hit the broadside of almost anything. On another day, Alm would have brushed it off as just bad luck, but each missed arrow seemed to raise his temper another notch higher.

“I thought you had practiced your archery with that new recruit?” Celica teased.

Alm’s ears burned in response. “Have you seen Python shoot? That fact he hits as much as he does is a miracle when I’m not sure if he even really aims.” He dismounted to retrieve his lasted of missed arrows, hoping he could paint the evidence of his embarrassment as instead being the result of exertion.

“Then perhaps Prince Berkut was more helpful then I realized.” She fiddled with the reins. “He once told me that half of hunting was wanting hard enough for your shot to land.”

Alm tugged the arrow out from the ground with a bit more force than necessary. “Is he a better bowman then me?” The question slipped out before he could really place where it was coming from. Celica arched an eyebrow in intrigue, and a small selfish part of himself liked being able to land at least this blow.

“I don’t know. He didn’t deem hunting a proper premarital activity,” She was looking far away again, but this time her target felt somewhat familiar. “It seems I also still know how to want.”

A cool breeze played with a few strands of her hair that had come loose; Alm shivered. It seemed the sun was setting much faster than he had anticipated.

“Do you want to return home yet?”

Red eyes burned like fire. “I want to go further. I’m still not done yet.”

Once he was remounted, Celica goaded her mare into a trot. Naturally Alm picked up the pace as well, not wanting to lose her in the oncoming dusk. Yet the more he chased, the faster and faster she rode. If this could still be called a hunt anymore, it was difficult to tell whose role was which. Would he be the one to skewer her heart, or was she simply leading him further and further into a land he didn’t know how to escape? In the heat of the moment he couldn’t separate the two questions. They ran together like the words of a tear-stained letter; any attempt he made to read it was drowned out my the roar of his pounding pulse.

Just when he was sure that this would ruin him. Just when he was sure that his heart would burst clean through his chest and his lungs would rupture like an overworked blacksmith’s bellow, Celica’s mare jolted to a halt. The sudden stop sent Celica flying from her saddle, and in his astonishment, Alm was soon to follow.

Icy dark waters cushioned their fall. It enveloped him like a lover’s embrace, sliding past every inch of his skin and chilling him to the bone. Yet his first instinct was not to reach for land, but Celica instead. As he flailed around in the darkness, he managed to grab a slip of her tunic. Alm tugged as hard as he could until he had her waist in his grip. As he brought her to his chest, she finally began to move once more.

When they made it back to the shore, Alm used his first well-earned breaths to say, “That was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen you do.”

“I know,” Celica heaved.

“What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t really,” Her shoulders trembled as droplets slide smoothly off her skin. “Only in a vague sense that this was the route to what used to be the Royal Villa...I wanted so badly to be able to see it one last time.”

Alm surveyed their surroundings, hoping that their horses hadn’t strayed too far off. He not only found them still milling around where they had first stopped, but not far up the hill sat a cabin, dark and lonely.

“We should stop for the night.” Gently Alm lifted Celica to her feet. “The horses must be exhausted after that stunt. Frankly I’m exhausted.”

They did there best to pretty themselves up--secured their horses and brought along some supplies to barter with. But when they approached the cabin, they found the door ajar.

“Hello?” Alm took a tentative step inside, but only found twigs and leaves.

“I don’t think anyone’s lived here a long time.” Celica wiped a window pane caked in dust. When he touched her arm to try and get her attention, he found that she was still shaking.

“You’re so cold...”

It was a useless statement when he could also feel himself quivering as well, but it seemed they both were operating with less wit than usual. “We should probably do something about that.” Celica murmured as she covered his hand with hers. For a long time, neither of them moved.

A bat crashed against the window with a thump, breaking whatever had been slowly building up between them. They decided to take their chances and set about making themselves at home. Alm cleaned the floors while Celica set about lighting the fireplace and roasting her game.

For a minute, Alm almost allowed himself to relax, enjoying the pleasant smell of roasted meats. But just as he turned around to settle himself down, he was stunned to see Celica’s bare back as she hung up her tunic.

“Umm?!?!” Coherent words weren’t really within his grasp at the moment, but thankfully Celica took mercy on him and just looked over her shoulder.

“I figured it would be best if we both didn’t stay in these wet things for much longer. I apologize for being unprepared, but did you bring anything I could make myself decent with?”

“Wait there,” Alm backed up to where he had dropped his satchel. He felt like he should probably look away to give her some privacy, but at the same time he was worried about being met with a new eyeful when he turned back around. It was only once he got out a blanket and had wrapped it around her that he finally remembered to breath.

Celica giggled. “My knight in shining armor.”

“Guess this is good practice if I want to follow in Mycen’s steps,” Alm tried to give a relaxed laugh, but his voice cracked into a terrible squawk.

“Now it’s your turn, let me help you.”

“I got it, you go back to the cooking.” Alm waved her away. Embarrassing as it was to try and undress while holding a blanket around him, he was sure he would have died if Celica had returned the action.

When he joined her around the fireplace, he found Celica undoing her braid and combing through the wet clumped waves. “When did you get so shy around me?”

“Sorry,” Alm rubbed the back of his neck. “I just don’t want to mess things up for you.”

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“I wasn’t avoiding you.” Alm crossed his arms. “Not on purpose.”

“Well it is probably for the best,” She turned over the skewer to roast the other side of the partridge. “Rigelians tend to imagine Zofian women as loose. Prince Berkut has warned me what would happen if I gain Father’s lecherous habits.”

“Pfft, I know,” Alm scoffed. “Negotiating if and how long Zofian guards can look over you has been hell.”

“Would you come with me if he allowed it?” Celica tilted her head, letting a flash of white shoulder peek through her cocoon of fabric.

The fireplace crackled and popped. Alm swallowed.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have to make you choose between Ram and me.” Celica fiddled with the food again. “These should be ready to eat soon.”

So they ate and moved onto talking about pointless little things that didn’t matter. Once they were both full, Alm had wrapped himself further in his blanket and said, “We should get some rest.”

“Yeah...” The faraway look was in her eyes again, but now he had no doubt what she was seeing. “...thing is, I’m still so cold.”

Alm thought of a lot of things in the short span it took for Celica to speak. He thought of childhood flower crowns and grown-up ballgowns--the small hands he once held and nails scrapping over orange peels.

“I think I am just as cold as you are.”

Their kiss was not the kind that would appear in any romantic poetry. Their teeth clanged together and their noses bumped as they tried to find the right position--revealing both their lack of experience and their lack of innocence. Still as they broke apart, Alm felt like he had discovered how to breathe for the first time in his life.

“I’ve wanted to do that since I was ten.” He murmured against her lips.

“I’ve been waiting for you to do that since I was thirteen.” A choked sound escaped her throat--a strange mixture of laughter and sobs. “I wish I could have worked up the courage earlier then maybe...”

“Shh, don’t talk like that...” Carefully Alm gathered her into his lap. “Let’s just enjoy the time we have now.”

They rocked back and forth to a gentle pace. Celica’s seemed determined to keep him trapped with all four of her limbs wrapped tightly around his torso. Meanwhile Alm pressed his face into her hair and whispered as many comforting words as he could put together. When he ran out of things he did his best to try and breath her in. She still carried the fragrance of the wilderness. He wondered if she would ever smell this free ever again.

It started out as an accidentally brush of skin, a muttered apology. But over time, Celica began to grind against his body in slow, drawn out circles.

“Ahh,” Alm groaned, acutely aware of his growing hardness. On cue came that irresistible laugh of hers.

“It’s so cute.”

“Really?” Alm arched an eyebrow. “I’m not used to having _that_ called cute.”

“It is,” Celica gave a blissful smile. “Every inch of you is beautiful.” She untangled her arms from him so that she could explore the planes of his chest. Aimlessly, she dress abstract patterns into his skin, planting chaste kisses at random points.

When she reached the dip of his hip, he couldn’t help himself and snatched her hand.

Celica scrunched her brow. “Did I go too far?”

“No...” Alm gave a shaky groan as he tried to summon his words again. “I just don’t want to move too fast...”

“I’m sorry.” Celica backed away. “I just feel so restless, like my body can barely keep up with itself.”

“No, don’t be,” Alm rubbed his eyes. “I just want to make it last.”

With his wits as gathered as they were gonna be, Alm studied the way the fire lit her pale skin. After all entire day of thinner and thinner barriers upholding her propriety, the only guard left was her knees held close against her chest. Fueled by a newly tapped well of confidence, he leaned forward and spread her knees apart.

“You know...I think you’re pretty cute too.” A flush was burning his entire body, but from the redness that painted her checks, any self-consciousness must have been mutual. This time when they kissed, it was hungrier more desperate. He sucked on her bottom lip, and when that wasn’t enough, he made a trail of kisses down the side of her throat.

“Can I touch you?” Alm was surprised by his own breathlessness. He licked his lips. “Your...your breasts are very cute as well.”

Celica burst into a fit of giggles, but before Alm could find a hole to go crawl and die in, she grabbed his hand and brought it to her right breast, guiding him. When she gave a pleased sigh, Alm used his right hand to massage her other breast in tandem, dipping his head to lavish the valley in between.

At some point as he is switching between his lips and his tongue, his teeth scrape the delicate strip of skin. Celica squeaked, and immediately he looked upward to apologize. However, mid-sentence he noticed just how aroused she was. Overwhelmed, he tried to discover other ways he could worship her, suckling, biting, even using his cheek to nuzzle her. With each ministration he kept glancing back up to try and capture a new reaction.

“I...I...” Celica huffed. “I can’t concentrate when you look at me like that!” She reached between his legs to grip him him, and Alm nearly keeled over right then and there.

Alm lifted his head so they were eye and eye again. “You really want me on my knees for you don’t you?’

Those pink, parted lips would be his ruin one day. “Actually I had a different position in mind. Could you help me up? I’m kinda sore.”

“Of course.” He cradled her back and guided her up, until she was leaning forward with her entrance position against his arousal. Then slowly inch, by inch, she descended until he was fully sheathed in her.

The noise Alm made was downright obscene. As he tried to adjust to the sensations, he stroked her face in what he hoped was a comforting manner. “You alright?”

“I think I am,” Celica slowly opened her eyes again. “Just give me a moment.” She lifted herself up slowly and repeated the motion, this time pushing him until he was on his back.

“This position feels better. Are you alright with this?”

Alm couldn’t imagine a better place to be than below Celica as she gazed at him with such a hungry expression. Instead of answering he gripped her hips to thrust into her more fully.

As they set a faster pace, Alm could feel multiple things building up inside him. On the surface, desire clouded most of his mind, chasing the delicious friction of their conjoined bodies. But deeper down a profound melancholy seemed to haunt the shadows of his heart. He tried to say something, but when he opened his mouth, all that came was a strangled, “Cel--”

Celica groaned and came to a stop, searching expression. Still speechless, Alm cupped her cheek and instead kissed her softly as his climax rolled over him in a gentle fog. It was less the thunder and lightning other knights had bragged about but a quiet warmth that slowly spread to the very tips of his fingers.

As he climbed down, he found Celica was still riding him, trying to search for her own pleasure. He did the best to coax out her release, holding her close to his chest as he nibbled at her neck. When she finally came, he was so caught up in studying her reaction that he almost didn’t realize his own.

“Why...why are you crying?” Celica wiped his tears in slow, languid strokes.

Alm could feel more sobs building in the back of his throat unbidden. “Crap, I’m sorry I’m messing--”

“No, no, its fine,” She smiled tenderly at him, yet he could see the start of tears building up in the corner of her eyes. “Let’s not dwell on things for longer then we have to.” She untangled herself from him and covered the two of them with a blanket.

Sleep came quickly and without warning. When Alm awoke the next day, he found Celica already dressed and prepared for the day.

“While you dress, I’ll bring around the mares.” She spoke in a regal, distant voice, as if last night had never happened. And so he tried to do his best to follow her suit, but from time to time he noticed she Celica’s hand kept resting above her stomach.

As they mounted Alm repeated his question from the night before. “Do you want to return home yet?”

“I think it’s probably for the best,” Celica sighed. “I don’t want people worrying too much about me.”

So they set out westward. Halfheartedly, they tried to catch a few chipmunks that scurried by and ate their lunch and chatted like the most distant of acquaintances. By the afternoon's time, Zofia Castle appeared on the horizon, and Alm was struck with a debilitating fear that he’d never see her again.

“Stop.” It came out more desperate than he would have liked, but thankfully Celica complied, staring at him inquisitively. “Let’s dismount here, so we have some level of deniability.”

“Alright.” Celica slide off her horse with the practiced ease of an experienced rider. Yet as she passed the reins off to Alm, she began to slow, until they were both standing completely still in front of each other.

“I wish you a happy marriage, Your Highness,” He was so close to burying his feelings completely, so close to holding the last rites and leaving them as an unnamed grave. But then there was that motion again, her hand at her stomach, and he started digging again like an undertaker.

“My apologies if I gave you a burden you could carry to Rigel.” He licked his lips, trying to find the line between honesty and innuendo. “If anything needs to be done, I can get in touch with a medicine woman.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for.” Celica was looking faraway again, and he doubted he’d ever gain her sight like before. “If anything I rather carry yours than his.”

Alm bristled, stressed about the consequences fatherhood could rend.

Celica frowned. “I guess I’m the one who should be sorry. I shouldn’t worry you like that. We should be fine.” She turned on her heel to leave, but before she could step between the boundary between the forest and civilization, Alm grabbed her hand.

“If in a few months, you find yourself with child, and its mine--” He took a deep breath. “--I’ll come for you. I won’t leave you to suffer alone.”

Those tears that hadn’t quite come the night before, fell silently down Celica’s face. “...you promise?”

“Loving you has been my life's most enduring achievement.” He brought her hand to his chest. “I’ll steal you away again, where neither your Father nor that stupid prince can find you. We’ll build our own little cabin and hunt for our food, and even if I still can’t hit a single thing we’ll make things work, I promise.”

They were standing so close to one another now, Alm could feel Celica’s cool breath against his throat. That selfish part of him, the one that kept digging and digging deeper and deeper wanted to throw her onto of his mare and make good on his word now. More of him knew the true use of those pretty words. It wouldn’t be a convincing lie unless some part of themselves, both believed it.

Celica sighed, as if she understand their purpose as well. “I’ll write.” She wiped her tears. “In three months if it is yours. In a year else-wise, so Prince Berkut doesn’t get the wrong idea.”

If any pregnancy came, it would be impossible to tell for certain whether it was from this dalliance or her wedding night. And well after everything else she gave up, marrying an unwanted man to save your country and bearing his child likely wouldn’t be the worst outcome. They’d probably both move on living sub-par lives that were close enough to their dreams to not warrant any complaints.

So they left the forest hand in hand.

It was one more comforting lie to believe they wouldn’t have to let go of each other before long.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried out a new stripped down style with this and what was supposed to be a little thing ballooned into this, for those still uncertain the AU is that Alm still grew up in Ram and met Celica there, but after she was discovered, Mycen returned her to Zofia Castle, where Alm trained to be a knight


End file.
